


A Reason To Stay

by Toni_Lynne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, F/M, Supernatural AU - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 02:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12026106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toni_Lynne/pseuds/Toni_Lynne





	A Reason To Stay

_I bow down to pray_  
I try to make the worst seem better  
Lord, show me the way  
To cut through all his worn out leather  
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away  
But baby, I just need one good one to stay

Being in a relationship with a police officer was not easy. The long hours and dedication to the job.  The constantly worrying about his safety.  Late nights of listening to police band radio, your heart in your throat every time you heard his voice answer a call. 

Being in a relationship with John Winchester was not easy.  His wife had died three and a half years ago, leaving him to raise two young boys on his own.  He was a broken man with walls a mile high to climb over. He clung to her memory and shut down his heart.  

Being in a relationship with Officer John Winchester? It was becoming miserable.  It hadn’t started that way.  When your friend Ellen introduced you to him a year ago while you both were drinking at her bar, the attraction had been immediate.  John was handsome and he had a killer smile.  You could tell he found you attractive as well.  More than a few shots of whiskey at Ellen’s bar and the two of you were in the backseat of his Impala for the rest of the night.  

After exchanging numbers and an awkward parting the next morning you marked it down as a one night stand and went on with your life.   Two weeks later he called you in a panic, his baby sitter was sick and he was already late for his shift. He knew you didn’t know him and he didn’t know you but he trusted Ellen’s judgment and could you help.  

You walked into his house just as four year old Sammy ran up and tossed his arms around John’s leg.  John picked his small son up and kissed his cheek, promising to be back soon.  You fell in love with him in that moment.  When he paid you with pizza and beer that night and then asked you not to leave, you didn’t.  The next morning when you snuck out of the house before the boys woke up you had a big smile on your face.  

Last Halloween when you took the boys trick or treating Dean caught John brushing his hand across your backside. The both of you sat the boys down and explained the situation.    

On Christmas when Dean and Sam gave you a present wrapped in newspaper and you opened it to find a play dough rose you fell in love with them both, crying into their soft hair while John watched with a smile on his face.  

When he asked you to move in with them three months later you said yes even though you knew it was too soon.  But by that point you were watching the boys when he was at work, and were spending more time at his place than yours, so it made sense. 

It wasn’t a fairytale.  There were plenty of fights.   On his birthday he came home to find you and the boys making him a cake. Within five minutes he had left again, out drinking with other cops instead.  That night you let him sleep on the lawn because he was so drunk he couldn’t get in the house and you couldn’t carry him.  

There was the day he was involved in a twelve hour stand-off with an armed man.  You sent the boys to a friend’s house and spent the entire afternoon deep cleaning the house to stay busy while listening to police radio.  A dirty plate shattering on the floor when you heard someone yell shots fired and then collapsing into a crying mess beside the plate when you heard his voice come through confirming the gunman was down. 

And the biggest problem of all, the ghost of his wife.   Not literally of course, but metaphorically she was always there.  He never let you inside his walls.   There were no cuddles on the couch during movies or an embrace from behind while you made dinner.   You couldn’t remember a single hug.  He had never spoken words of love to you.  The one time you slipped up and told him you loved him he had disappeared from the room quickly and when he came home hours later he acted like it never happened. There was only sex.

You were sure that to Officer John Winchester you were nothing more than a nanny, maid, and cook with free sex on the side. 

You loved him. You loved his boys. You could feel your heart ripping at the thought of never feeling their little arms around you again.   They were the only reason you had stayed this long, but you knew the end was coming and it was coming fast.

* * *

 

It was December first when you decided it was time. You wanted to be gone before Christmas so the boys would have time to heal and still enjoy their holiday.  

John knew something was going on the moment he walked in.  You were dressed and sitting at the table instead of in bed in the late hour. Taking his hat and jacket off he sat down across from you, his eyes drifting to the bags you had sitting by the stove before returning to you. 

“Where are the boys?” he asked.

 “They spent the night at Dylan’s,” you replied.

 He nodded, looking down at the wood table top. 

“You’re giving me a million reasons to walk away,” you said, tears running down your cheeks. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he said.

 “Give me a reason to stay.  I just need one good reason to stay,” you replied. 

John looked up at you, his eyes dark. “Can you leave me the schedule for Sammy’s medicine? I don’t know when he’s supposed to take it.” 

The loud sob that escaped your lips startled you both.  You stood, “It’s in the notebook by the fridge.   I’ve explained to the boys that I had to leave.  I didn’t tell them why.  I’m going…” you choked on your tears as you tried to talk. “I’m going to miss them.” 

John didn’t say anything and you grabbed your bags, walking out the back door. “I’m going to miss you too.  I know you never wanted to hear it and it doesn’t mean anything to you because I’m not _her_ , but I loved you John Winchester.”

* * *

 

It was a few days before Christmas and you were driving back from looking at two apartments.  The snow storm that they had been talking about all day on the news blew in earlier than you thought it was supposed to and by the time you were within a couple miles of Ellen’s bar you couldn’t see anything but the blinding snow.  

You didn’t see the dog in the road until it was almost too late and when you slammed your brakes the car spun on the ice and snow, launching you over a small embankment and flipping over once, smacking into a tree before coming to a stop.

* * *

 

John sat in his parked cruiser behind the gas station, sipping his coffee and watching the snow coming down.    He wondered where you were, what you were doing.  Were you alone?

He hadn’t slept much since you left. Every time he closed his eyes he could see the hurt on your face the night you left.  The boys weren’t doing well either.  Sammy had woke up last night from a bad dream crying out for you.  

Last weekend they had finally put the Christmas tree up and he went out and bought them a few toys but nobody was in the Christmas spirit in the Winchester home. 

The annual station Christmas Party was last night and he had made his required appearance before heading home to his sons.  When Bobby, dressed up as Santa, asked him what he wanted for Christmas this year he had made a joke about a second Impala, but all he really wanted was a chance to go back to the night you left and stop you.  To be able to open his mouth and give you the reason to stay you were looking for.  

It scared him, letting someone else in again.  The pain from losing Mary had almost killed him.  When you came along with that smile and those eyes and your infectious laughter it became harder and harder to remind himself that he couldn’t love again. 

When he came home on his birthday to find you and the boys making him a cake, flour and icing on your cheek, he was overwhelmed with the need to just hold you. Right there in the kitchen with his boys he wanted to take you in his arms and squeeze you as hard as he could, to hold you against his heart.  Someone warm and solid and beautiful.  He fled instead.  He knew he hurt all three of you, but he was more afraid of hurting himself. 

“Car 8-0-3 copy?” he heard dispatch call, interrupting his thoughts. 

“Car 8-0-3, I copy,” he replied, setting his coffee in the holder. 

“John we have a report of a car over the embankment and curled around a tree out on east bound route 204, about two miles before Harvelle’s Roadhouse.  EMS is across town. I’ve routed them but you are closer.” 

“Copy. I’m on it,” he said.  Flipping on his lights and sirens John set out in the snow.  

Coming up on a car stopped on the side of the road and a man standing outside waving his arms he stopped.  The man came running up to his window. “I saw her lose control and spin out before going over the side.  I tried to get down there but its solid ice.” 

Pulling on his gloves John turned his cruiser’s big spotlight on, shinning it down on the accident scene.  If someone went over the embankment and hit the tree that hard he had a feeling he was going to be pulling up a dead body. 

When his light hit the mangled car he felt his heart seize up.  He knew the color and make of your car well and when his eyes moved to the license plate it confirmed his worst nightmare. 

“No. Not again,” he cried, pushing past the witness and running to the embankment. 

“Buddy it’s solid ice!” the man warned. 

“Wait up there for EMS,” John said, not realizing he was crying until he felt the tears freezing on his face.

“Y/N,” he cried as his feet hit the ice and he slid down towards your car.  “Y/N, please.” 

The car had hit the tree head on.   When he shinned his flashlight the first thing he saw was blood on the windshield. “No. No. No.” 

Coming around to the driver’s side he saw you slumped over the steering wheel.  Using both hands he was able to yank the bent door open enough that he could get to you. His fingers went to your throat and when he felt a weak pulse he took a deep breath. 

“Y/N, sweetheart wake up,” he begged as he undid your seat belt and pulled you from the car.  Your arm was hanging funny and he could see a good size gash across your forehead. 

“You said you needed a reason to stay? I love you. I haven’t stopped missing you since you left.  The boys and I are miserable without you.  I need you to stay. Stay for me. Stay for Sam and Dean.  We love you sweetheart. I love you,” he kept repeating, carrying you up the embankment and to his cruiser.    

“I can see the lights from the squad, they are coming Y/N.  Come on, open your eyes.” 

You remained still in his embrace and once you were loaded in the squad John followed in his cruiser, his heart racing with fear. 

At the hospital it was a several hour wait while you were in surgery.  He paced the floor.  Bobby came to check on him and then offered to pick the boys up from the babysitter.   Finally the doctor came out and gave him the news he had been waiting to hear, you were okay.  Your arm was broken, so were a couple ribs, and you had a concussion. Some cuts and bruises as well but overall you were very lucky. 

“Can I see her?” 

“Yes, right this way officer.”

You heard someone come into the room and you slowly opened your eyes.  “John?” 

“How are you feeling Sweetheart?” he asked, standing beside your bed. 

“I thought I was dreaming. You pulled me from the car,” you said. 

He nodded.  

“You… you told me you loved me.” 

“I did and I do. I’m sorry it took you almost dying to admit it.  I love you.  I want you to stay with me. With the boys.  I want us to be a family.  They love you.  They need you.   And I know you need them.” 

“I miss them so much,” you said softly. 

“Tell me again,” he said, leaning over you and resting his hand against your cheek. “Please?” 

You knew what he wanted.  You closed your eyes, wondering if trying again was the smartest thing to do.   Deciding to trust your heart you opened your eyes to look at him. “I love you John.” 

“I love you too Y/N.”

 


End file.
